User blog:Captaingoldvane2/Goldlock Reviews - 2013
This is long overdue, but I thought I might as well make my top 10 2013 movies list. 2013 wasn't the best year for movies, but it had a few gems. I might have made a few "best of 2013" lists before, but this is going to be my full review and I'm going to try and score things as accurately as possible. And here.... we.... go. Bad Movies Now, before I list my best movies, I'm going to list some movies I DIDN'T like. Identity Thief Yes, I actually watched part of this. It was on HBO and I had nothing better to do... or did I? I could've cleaned the toilet.... would've been better than this movie. Anyway, though, onto the review! I never completed this movie, but from what I saw... no. Just no. They had potential for a great comedy but they blew it. Lame jokes alongside a dull performance by Jason Bateman and an over-acting Melissa McCarthy complete this forgettable film. She's a great actress, but she was just TOO stupid in this movie. This movie just tried to be a slap-stick but ended up being a bucket of stupidity with some boringness on the side. Jason Bateman seemed like he KNEW he was in a bad film and just wanted out. The reasoning for what happens in the movie makes no sense, the writers relied far too heavily on the performance of McCarty which in reality wasn't as great as some make it out to be, and everything about the story just seemed... wrong. I don't know why people think this is a really funny movie, but if you like it, that's fine! Your opinion is yours and my opinion is mine! Jack the Giant Slayer This wasn't a terrible film, but it definitely didn't hold up too well with most people I've talked to, and as a fantasy film it was overshadowed by Oz the Great and Powerful. It had a decent cast, but only two of the actors even performed well - Ewan McGregor and Stanley Tucci. Granted, Bill Nighy did decent with his voice, but his character was given terrible lines. The lead roles were dull and cliche, and Ian McShane's character was the dorkiest thing I've ever seen. I mean come on, just look it up! This movie was enjoyable for a few of the actors and jokes in it, but the music flopped and the lead roles were lame. The Incredible Burt Wonderstone This movie.... I don't even know how to explain it. It had a couple scenes that seemed hilarious, but when the movie tried to be serious... it just failed. It had some decent, funny actors (Steve Carell, Jim Carrey, etc) who played their parts well. It was a nice film, starting out, if you wanted some comic relief. It was a slap-stick. But then it progressed into what tried to be a serious, emotional story that just failed miserably. It was cliche, boring, and you just can't take Steve Carell so seriously after just seeing him as a slap-stick comedians. Magician movies just keep failing for me.. (*cough* the Prestige... *cough*) Inside Llewyn Davis This movie... was weird. My mother wanted to see this so desperately that we made an out-of-town trip to some old, beat up theater with HORRIBLE projections. It's probably one of the most depressing films I've ever seen. The film starts out decently with our character going through some enjoyable-to-watch experiences in his life, but after a while we start noticing everything seems to go wrong for the guy. Top that off with consistent depressing music (I had to listen to this not only throughout the whole movie, but the car ride to and from the theater... my mom had bought the soundtrack o_o), a constant rainy/overcast/graaaaaay cinematography, you'd easily fall into depression right there in the theater. Granted, I watched it on a terrible screen so of course the visuals were terrible, but still... everything was so dark and broody. Everything was depressing, and after a while what first seemed like interesting music became repetitive sadness. Don't get me wrong, this was original and I really liked the music when I first heard it, but after a while I wanted to fall asleep or get a prescription for anti-depressants. The one cool thing about this film was the scene with John Goodman, who saved this from being a complete flop. Hangover III Yes, depressingly, I saw part of this film... my RL friend kept telling me it was good, and it was on HBO (sound familiar?) so I decided to watch it. .... This was the biggest piece of shit... the worst movie of the year in my opinion. The stupidity within this film is beyond my understanding. It's more than a slap-stick, it's more than a stupid movie - this movie is just f**king dumb. Despicable Me 2 This film wasn't terrible, but it wasn't done that well. Like Burt Wonderstone, this movie started out comedically but then flopped with it tried to be emotionally. It didn't hold up to the first movie, it didn't hold up on its own as a comedy, and quite frankly despite some funny scenes was just a forgettable film. The Internship This movie just flopped miserably. It seems to be a trend, but this movie was a kind-of-sort-of comedy and then when it tried to be emotional it flopped. This movie was just... weird. It tried to be a family movie, it tried to be a comedy, it tried to be a drama... it failed at all three. Which is surprising with actors like Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn. Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters Wow... this was the biggest let down of the year. This was a TERRIBLE film, it did away with any trueness to the book and it was even a let-down compared to the previous film. I was incredibly infuriated at this movie, it destroyed the franchise and I will hate it forever. Thor: The Dark World Okaaaay, here's the SECOND biggest let down of the year, yaaay! I really despised this movie, and despite people like Bill liking it, I fail to see how anyone could truly love this film. Sure, Loki makes the film partially enjoyable with Tom Hiddleston's great performance, but come on, Marvel! 1. The Music The score for this movie was absolutely terrible. Brian Tyler showed us a great score for Iron Man 3, but then he flopped miserably with this one. The main theme is an old-timey 60's cartoon theme, the only good action cue was a knock-off of Hans Zimmer, and the style was lame. Get with the program people, these are Marvel movies with super technology, not old trumpets-blaring blah blah. The music here just really let me down... I was expecting something decent with Brian Tyler, and I was surprised to hear such a forgettable soundtrack. 2. Plotholes Okay, so if all this technology is available on Earth, which appears to be home to beings much less powerful than those of Asgard, why are the people still using spears, swords, etc? They aren't a bunch of Heath Ledger jokes, STOP USING KNIVES!! At least Thor's hammer has a power, but most of their weapons are old-timey. And yet they have cannons and whatnot just lying around, waiting to be used! Fail. How did Loki fake his death? I don't think that beast guy would have just cooperated. You might argue, "we don't know cuz itz k00l to have a myster eeee c:", but in fact it's a plothole. They could've easily given us a slight explanation instead of it making no sense. They took advantage of fans wanting to admire Loki and his "unknown" esque rather than wanting an actual logical explanation. After Loki's death, Thor and Jane don't seem to really care about it and just go on with their lives... that's his brother, he yells "NOOOO" and everything and then just suddenly doesn't give a crap? Whaaat 3. Plot conveniences There were a BUNCH of these, but let's start off with this - oh, how convenient that Jane ends up at the EXACT BUILDING where a portal to another world would exist.. and how convenient she'd go through it and end up in the EXACT LOCATION where the one weapon that could awaken the bad guys, destroy Asgard and blah blah blah was located. Conveeeeeenient. It just so happens that Thor's girlfriend goes through this.. mmhm. Also, the technology that somhow defeated the bad guys... what? This came out of nowhere (conveniently) and had NO explanation WHATSOEVER. ???? The birds... wat. The birds happen to fly BY OUR MAIN CHARACTERS. It's like the entire universe revolves around the characters starring in this movie! During the final battle, the "random" portals seem to conveniently take our opposing warmongers into locations that *conveniently* make for stunning visual effects. It's like the portals knew where they wanted to go and wanted to sell the visual effects. Self-aware in-movie portals... I need to get me some of those! There just happens to be a phone/connection/whatever (My memory is fading here) in the cave where Thor and Jane end up.. mmhm, that's not convenient at alllll 4. Dull Antagonist Let's face it, Marvel's villains aren't as good as D.C. - however, you'd at least expect something better than some random evil-looking guy with not much reasoning and very little development as the competitor to Thor, right? Nope! We get the lamest, characterless villain that we couldn't really care less about. *Sigh* This movie was just disappointing. It was rushed, over-exaggerated, poorly-written and the only reason it was liked by so many was because of Loki. Other Movies These are movies that weren't great, weren't bad, but were decent. Jobs This movie was slow, and kind of boring at times. Some loved it, some hated it - but I personally found just the general stoyline enjoyable. It's a true story, and one that is very important in modern technology. It could've been done better (maybe add some more comedy, more music, etc), but it was a nice film. Side Effects I nearly put this in the "bad" list, but I didn't cause I didn't see the whole thing - I saw the end of this movie, and my goodness it was a weird and scary one. This film was just bizzare and kind of freaky, but it also had an interesting plot. If you like that sort of thing - sure. Oz the Great and Powerful I wrote a full review on this but quite frankly I've forgotten that by now, so, starting fresh, I'll remind you all this was a cool film with decent effects and some good acting, but the second half of the movie sort of flopped and the storyline could have had some major improvement. A let-down, but not a terrible movie. Olympus Has Fallen I barely remember this movie, but I remember it was a decent action film with a good cast and a "meh" storyline. I think they could've made this one a lot better, but it was a cool idea (that was soon ripped off by "White House Down", which I didn't see) and it wasn't a bad watch. G I Joe: Retaliation This was a cool action film with some neat scenes and a lot of nice fighting sequences... but it lacked a bit in story and characters as well as having a childish esque to it. Bill loves, I thought it was okay... you people might like it. After Earth I actually enjoyed this film. Yes, it was kind of boring and Will Smith should've been in it more, but for a film written by someone who's normally an actor, it wasn't terrible. Nice concept, good father-son story. Not bad. The Great Gatsby This one confuses me at times. I've seen it three times (thanks to HBO), and each time I feel differently about it. The first time I liked it, the second time I didn't really enjoy it, and the third time I was neutral on it. All in all, if you like drama it's a good film. It has a great cast and it displays the "world" they tried to capture really well. A decent movie. World War Z I watched this as a result of an agreement I made with Walker. While I was distracted and didn't finish it, I plan to finish it when I can, I just keep forgetting about it. Anyhow, from what I saw it was actually a decent take on zombie movies - a type of movie I normally don't like at all. Brad Pitt did well, and the visuals were decent, I just don't like zombie movies so I didn't love what I saw. Gravity I don't see the major hype over this movie. It had some good visuals and Sandra Bulock peformed nicely, but it just sort of bored me. I wasn't that invested into her character or what would happen in the movie. It moved too slowly and without any interest for me.. but it was still a cool concept and I can sort of see why so many people like it. Good Movies Now, before I get to my top ten, I want to list some runner-ups: The Lone Ranger I have no idea why people hated this so much. Sure, it had a lot of errors, and I get that. The acting was dull in some places, the antagonist was lame, some scenes were just stupid - but it was actually a really enjoyable film for me. I love Johnny Depp and despite this being one of his less-favored performances I enjoyed it. Pacific Rim This was truly a special-effects movie. The visuals were awesome, basically combining Godzilla and Transformers into one massive film of eye-blowing action. The only problem is that the story was incredibly forgettable and lame, and I really didn't care about the characters. Still a fun movie though. 12 Years a Slave This was one huuuuge drama-fest. It felt so long, slow, and heavy... but it was still a really well-done film. Personally I didn't love it, but it shows very well what it wanted to show. It's like it did what it needed to, but it wasn't happy. It accomplishes its goals, but it's still depressing to watch. I loved Benedict Cumberbatch in this, he really showed his diversity. I loved the visuals, it captured the timeline and location well. I just wouldn't watch this while I'm eating. August: Osage County I saw this as a result of my mother wanting to see it. It was surprisingly a really good movie. It's not even my type, but it's still a cool one. A great, ensemble cast (once again, Benedict Cumberbatch showing his diversity in this film) completed this well-written and well-done movie with great characters. Saving Mr. Banks Another one my parents wanted to see, this movie ended up being a masterpiece - I loved this film, Tom Hanks and Thompson performed brilliantly in this true story. I had a few gripes, but I'd have to rewatch it to give my full review - anyway, this film had great acting and did what it wanted to do. Well done. Ender's Game This one was a bit strange. I enjoyed it, the story developed quite well, but the characters were a bit forgettable. I didn't care for the aliens, and I didn't care for most of the characters... but the concept was cool. Frozen I don't see the massive hype over this movie. Granted, it was an enjoyable movie, and despite it being a "princess movie" it was mature and wasn't a childish movie. I enjoyed the music and I liked the characters. I just don't see what's so epic about it. The hype over the "let it go" song was unnecessary, the hype over the movie in general I think was based on an overexaggeration. However, it's enjoyable for what it is, and I respect it as a good animated movie. The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug This movie was surprisingly disappointing. It failed MISERABLY in comparison to An Unexpected Journey, it failed even in comparison to LOTR... furthermore, it was an incredible disappointing especially with the hype that was "Smaug" Don't take me wrong, Smaug was done well and I liked him... but the rest of the movie seemed mostly meaningless (aside from Sauron, of course.), it didn't follow the book, and it tried (and failed) to appeal to the modern community. The romance between the dwarf and the elf lady is cliche, dull and done hurriedly. The town they visit just seems... out of place. Smaug doesn't seem powerful enough, having should have killed the dwarves very quickly. Let's just hope The Battle of the Five Armies will redeem the franchise. Top 10 List And now we'll be counting down the top 10 best films of 2013! 10. Prisoners This was a really scary movie. It involves Hugh Jackman's daughter being kidnapped in a town somewhere.. I forgot, but it seems like maybe Minnesota? Not sure, but there's a lot of woods and plenty of room for a serial killer to hide. I think it captures the element of human choice, mistakes, insanity, paranoia, and desperation very well. It seems very real. It has some great actors, a chilling plot and a big twist at the end. Horrific but well done. 9. The Lone Survivor Despite it having a name that gives away the ending, this film was done really well. Mark Whalberg was perfect for the role, and while it seemed kind of short, it's really emotional if you have a family member who served or is currently serving in the military. Tragic but real, this one was a gem. A nice treat to watch. 8. The Hunger Games: Catching Fire This sequel to the beloved teen-phenomenon based on the novels held up quite well to the first one. It came with original ideas, new characters, a lot of development and a believable story. I really enjoyed this movie, and I can't wait for the next installment! 7. Paranoia This one starred a Thor wannabe, Gary Oldman, and (bald) Harrison Ford. Clearly a "guy" movie, I had a good time watching this by myself and then also with my dad. It's boring and dull at a few moments, but it really captures that "paranoia" that you're always being watched by cameras and technology. A happy film with limited drama, it's a good watch. 6. Oblivion Set in a future where the earth is nearly depopulated, this post-apocalyptic film did pretty well. Starring Tom Cruise, a British lady, Morgan Freeman and a really creepy old lady, it was sort of weird, intriguing, dramatic, and thrilling at the same time. I liked the music (HZ knock-offs, but still it fit really well), liked the cast, and I loved the visuals. Nice story with some in-depth emotions and a good character. 5. The Wolverine Thank goodness for this film. After several let-downs from the X-men franchise, this film along with First Class really brought the franchise up to its new golden age with DOFP. This one took a more darker, mature style and kept things a little more simple (until the final sequence). It really helped develop Wolverine's character, and it was done very well. The only complaint I have is that the music could have been more interesting. 4. Rush Ron Howard's Rush was one of my top five favorite movies of the year. With a brilliant score by Hans Zimmer, a good performance by Chris Hemsworth and visual effects for a Race-car movie like no other, this film really had nothing wrong with it. It isn't the most interesting story, but I loved it and I hope others did as well. 3. Man of Steel Despite its hate, this revival of the Superman character came in spectacularly. I loved how they redesigned Superman's story to be told in a more mature fashion. This is what DC needed to push it in the right direction. The villain actually has a legit REASON for what he does, something a lot of villains don't have. Our main protagonist is developed well, our side characters are developed well... it's all there. Oh, and don't forget Hans Zimmer's epic soundtrack. I really don't see what's wrong with this film. I think people are just too used to the comic book Superman and can't accept the change. If you have a legit reason to hate this movie, leave it in the comments - I'm still baffled by the fact that everyone hates it. And if you dare say HZ relied too much on percussion, I will tear your head off :3 2. Star Trek: Into Darkness I know I've said it a bunch, but DAMN Benedict Cumberbatch is awesome! He's incredibly diverse, in-depth and he can be either majorly emotional or he can lack emotions altogether. He made this film what it is - this film was good because of its villain, and that is of course, KHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!! I also loved Zachary Quinto as Spock, and the rest of the actors did pretty well too. The visuals were neat, (as always, it's JJ Abrams after all) the characters were well developed and it was even BETTER than the first film; or any other Star Trek film in my opinion. That's saying something. 1. Iron Man 3 And here it is, folks, the top pick.. Iron Man 3! Of course, Robert Downey Jr. was awesome at his role of Tony Stark aka Iron Man, but here we had some other great cast members. Ben Kingsley was great as the "Mandarin", and even the actor Trevor. He was diverse, funny, intimidating, intriguing, and just awesome. Top that off with Jon Favreau, Guy Pearce as a douchebag, and Don Cheadle as Rhodes, you have a great cast. This film had a good story, a good villain (for once), great action sequences, a good score by Brian Tyler, and a real emotional core. Very well done! Category:Blog posts Category:Goldlock Reviews